Get Your Kicks on Route 22

You gotta have your exit strategies. That's what someone told me about living in Jersey. which worries me but once you live here you realize she wasn't talking about anything malicious. My coworker was talking about the fact that Jersey will do everything it can to stop you from getting to wherever you're going. It's like a swamp, especially if you're driving. You ever try driving in a swamp? Me either, but I'm pretty sure it's a similar feeling.

You have to understand that there's two ways to live in NJ, you can take mass transit, which is a slow slow death on your way to a soul crushing train ride through an industrial park. Or you can drive, which is like playing grand theft auto in that you driver really fast, are constantly running over things (ten points for a skunk!), and you pretend people are potholes. Of course, when you drive in real life, you don't actually pretend that people are potholes as you run over them. I mean, THAT would be crazy. Yes, that would be. I've actually turned hitting potholes into a game and I am wracking up a high score. I'm so good at this game of hitting potholes that I don't even try. In fact I try to avoid them! But there's just too many! I'm not gonna say I have the high score, but that's only because I don't use Route 22 more often.

Now I talked earlier about having your exit strategies, I also titled this blog entry after Route 22, how are they related you ask? Well let me tell you. I was leaving work last week and I needed to go to the car dealership where I bought my car to get my plates. The dealership, whom shall be here fore mentioned as $%&@!!! is on Route 22. So I said to myself, "go on! Give it a try!" And away I went. At first my newest escape route seemed fine, no real problems. That was the first 30 seconds. Then it was like driving on a third world countries back roads that had recently been bombed and had trenches dug into it throughout the length of about 5 miles. Only there were more potholes. I know I've already talked enough about how confusing Jersey roads are, but trust me it only gets much worse when you're trying frantically not to ruin your car by avoiding the potholes.

However, after my terrifying pothole maze I found a paradise. Not really sure who's paradise, but I know someone must love it. On Route 22 there are a ton of little stripe mall type things. Not really strip malls...but something. There were these combination places that really didn't make much sense, or did they? There was a Brazilian Steakhouse/Sushi place, because guess what? You need that protein and it doesn't matter what animal is all you can eat. Then I saw the all encompassing all awesome 7-Eleven/Check Cashing/Hooter's Restaurant. Yes, that was real, no I have no idea who came up with that idea but...Shear. Genius. Also, I saw this one that was a Starbucks/Generic Chinese Restaurant. Both kill your appetite, both give you the runs, yet these two are polar opposites. Starbucks is $5 coffee meant for the affluent, cheap Chinese food meant for anyone who really doesn't want to spend $5. I saw other combination stores, but those were definitely the top three.

So make sure you find your exit strategies, and may they lead you on to more interesting adventures.