Tell Me I'm Pretty!!!

I've been back in the dating world for over a year now.  Writing that sentence just made me have one of those "oh shit" moments.  I didn't realize it had been so long since I had turned away from someone so close.  Rather than reflect, I think I've done that enough, rather I'm realizing my friends suck.  That's right, you reading this right now, one of my five followers, I know the secret you've been hiding.  You see, there are all these dating sites that are free, and these apps on phones that are free and many that connect to our social media apps.  Guess who has a lot of hot single age appropriate friends out there?  My friends do. 

All over Facebook my friends have massive amounts of single hot girlfriends who they could set me up with but do I get a call?  No.  A social invite to their soirees so we can meet in a casual setting?  No.  I mean, we all know you can't invite me someplace fancy without the gregarious gentleman in myself coming out.  I would definitely be the loud one in the group telling ridiculous stories and slightly embarrassing everyone I came with, still I am entertaining.

So why don't these friends set me up with their hot friends?  They tell me I'm a handsome interesting guy.  So why are there all these single hot friends out there who aren't dating me?  I'm the Sterling Archer of real life men.  I'm everyone's type.  Also I look good in a suit and have been known to say "that was totally ninja".  I mean, what girl doesn't want a guy who talks about ninjas?  I also play Dungeons and Dragons still, which is a great hobby for the thinking man.  See?  Very dapper.  Sometimes I even pretend I'm a level 12 paladin in real life and wield my holy sword in public.  The establishment does not appreciate this, further showing my stripes as a rebel.  And according to recent Hollywood blockbusters, women love rebels.

This also got me thinking about another reason.  No not the one where people don't think I'm good enough for their friends.  That reason is so far on the ridiculous scale that it's...sad.  So very...sad... I mean how well do people know each other?  Their friends specifically?  How many of our friends have ended up with someone who we went "never saw THAT one coming".  Obligatory "that's what she said".  Seriously though, I feel like we all KNOW we could pick the perfect person for our single friends.  Yet they always end up with someone off our radar.  And maybe that's why they don't set me up.  Because I'm an open book and most my friends know too much about me.  Then they look at the their single hot friend and are like "she can't possibly be into that".  Next thing you know she's dating me and buying peanut butter and lotion in "wholesale" quantities.  What, I like soft skin and peanut butter toast.  It was very thoughtful of her and economical too.  Stop thinking like me. Perverts.