You know what really grinds my gears? Usually other gears

Sometimes I feel like I'm driving a with square wheels.  Off road, and I'm being attacked by ninjas on wagons.  Station wagons.  The old school kind where the back seat was facing backwards and the window rolls down so you can throw shurikens at cars following you.  I may have imagined that last part as a child but it seems very relevant right now.  So I'm kicking butt at work and I've been growing and taking on more responsibility.  Moving my career forward and all that.  So we had this charity golf event and I invited a few people from my largest client.  After the first hole I looked down and noticed I had a small hole in my shorts.  By the final hole it looked like this:

I know what you're thinking, the man knows how to pose.  Thankfully it only got a little worse before I realized I had a pair of pants in the car.  So only had to suffer a little humiliation at the hands of three different branches, my largest clients, and the squirrels that were running around on the course. 

Outside of my total fails on the golf course I've also stepped back a little from the dating scene.  Few reasons, first, I realized I need to focus a little more on my career and writing.  I figure back taking a step back I'll better be able carve my path.  Then I'll be sexier.  I know, you look at the photo above and you're like, "How is that even possible!?"  I'm not sure, I mean, look at my calf muscles.  Majestic.  Majestic as fuck.  The other reason is women are expensive.  Going out on dates, especially when you're active on a website like OK Cupid.  The website is free, the dates are not.  I'm also waaaaay too social.  So I've been on so many dates just because someone suggested meeting up even though I'm kind of like....no thanks.  Stupid Minnesota Nice.