Paris and Then Poof

I know that I promised more details of Paris, but there isn't always time for memories. There are times when I try to figure out life. How life doesn't like to be known, it likes to be experienced. And in these times when you're a little lost it's good to step back and remember what led you to the spot in the woods, because in doing that you allow yourself to find your way back out of the woods.

I'm in love with a woman, her name is Laura. There isn't a single way to describe her. I woke up to her everyday and everyday I knew I was blessed. Like all couples we fought from time to time but in the end I knew I had someone special in her. Her eyes never failed to make me smile and the Jersey Italian in her made me laugh even when I was being yelled at. She knew me, better than she knew let on at first. I always had to be better, I always had to be true to the words that came so easily. And I succeeded. It's hard to understand why this was so important to me, except that deep down inside it is what I needed and I always knew this. Always.

I can't tell you how lucky I felt the more I realized that she was the one. She pushed me to be greater. And when I thought I had succeeded she kept telling me it was just the beginning and it was time to push harder. It's not that nothing was ever good enough for her, it was that she saw so much greatness in me that she wouldn't let me settle for the little things. She wanted to be great and she knew what I was capable of and demanded that I meet the next challenge.

When things went wrong, and really it was one thing that is big and needs to be addressed by me, she held me accountable and left me. It's weird, because I hate it and yet love it at the same time. I don't like that I was always able to talk my way out of things especially because I couldn't stop myself at times. I'm not certain that Laura really broke up with me. I know it sounds delusional yet in spending time with her afterwards (we were living together), I see a lot of confusion in her eyes and heart. It is a challenge, a call to be the man I am supposed to be. If I succeed I might, MIGHT, get to be with her again. Fail and I will be fail myself, her, and us.

So here I am, deep in the woods and having trouble finding the path I need to travel. I know my way back and when I turn and look and see I feel a certain comfort in the way things were. I smile to myself and shake my head. Even though I'm having trouble with the path, I'd rather keep going deeper and find the better part of my life.